Fuck this shit. I’m just gonna eat some toast.
Fuck you for making me so vain. I don’t like this person I’ve become. I never used to be like this. I don’t want to be this person anymore but I don’t know how to stop. Please stop eating away at my soul. It’s empty enough as it is.
I can’t really pin down one word to describe my thinking right now, granted, ever. Being an introverted personality, I internalise most my thoughts - thus I am a slave to my emotions, and can never cope with being the same all the time, so I find myself unwittingly and constantly switching between moods and frames of mind.
Right now is a new one I have not felt before - old feelings that I haven’t thought about for a very long time, have been stirred up and revived by who knows what. About somebody who I have not spoken to for a very long time. It’s not happiness that I’m feeling, nor anger…rather, I find that I am frightened and confused to the point where I really don’t know what I have to do. I find myself standing in the middle of a room, trying to hold back this feeling of complete and utter panic from taking over me. Almost like fear.
I have often heard people say that when somebody crosses your mind, it’s a sign that they have some significance in your world at that point in time…that you should be in touch with them. Part of me doesn’t want to listen. To keep going on like it never happened.
But I am a strong believer in things happening for a reason, and following the heart. What should I do?